woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Come see our sink grown plant.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
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