youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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