fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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