You were right. It hurts to walk today.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
