you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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