Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
