there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We talked him into tasing himself.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
