my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
