just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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