the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize