I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
