Ambien. No doubt about it.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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