dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
