Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
