There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
