did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
