I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
