Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
How's work?
Spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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