I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
false alarm, still single
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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