It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
