I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
