When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize