Jerry, you need to find god
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
