i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just tell him i said nine months
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so let's talk penis.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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