Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
