I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
