where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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