My first STD was from a foam party
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
