So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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