someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
