i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
