I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
