I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
