Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's official drugs can't kill me
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
