How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
