He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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