med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
