Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
