He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
