I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
