While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
