oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
