The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
