i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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