____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude i'm inner monologue high
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
