well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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