I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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