I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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