WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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