my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
