Quick, to the slutcave!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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