I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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