Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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