It's like a parade of train wrecks.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
