You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
