Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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