had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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