I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
