Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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