i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I still have a little drunk in my system
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
