Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
