She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
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Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
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It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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