He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize