she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
