He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
