they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
