You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
