My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
