I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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