the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize