i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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